Fandom-Related Questions

A: Your current OTP.

Vergil/Dante.

I've been crying more than a month about it recenlty. The brainworm that makes me go brrrr is Nero being Vergil and Dante's baby :'3 Top Vergil 4 lyfe. I won't accept top Dante, sorry not sorry. I just love mourning, crying, sad Dante, in pain thinking of his brother~ This pairing comes like the flu for me since I started shipping them, it comes and goes, but lately is been on my mind and on my draws and on my fanfic diet.

RickMorty

Also the ship-of-the-season rn, the 7th season is currently airing and I'm STARVING, the worm hasn't activated yet bc nothing shippy has happened yet (MORTY COME HOME ALREADY PLS, there's currently been a lack of Morty on the 3 newest episodes...we thirsty). Been toying with the idea of Rick Prime being the trigger for Rick to 'confess' or 'accept' his love for Morty outloud. My brain has been on fire since last year when they revealed Rick's backstory and showed Prime as the 'new antagonist' of sorts (since they gave a conclusion to the Evil Morty plot line.) And well, I'm waiting for the hit to come so I can do more fanart.

Brad/Terry (Lisa the Painful)

I'm dying with this 'pairing' right now. It may not be a super popular pairing but I love everything about Terry Hintz. More on the 'one sided' flavor but I'm all in for Terry love~

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.

More than a change of mind it was an eyeopener, but I consider Mogamino a big reveal on my mob sicko reading. Spilly definitely opened my third eye with it.

I suppose that in the long run I've considered more pairings because I've been exposed to them tru friends or people I've followed but I can't think which atm.

C: A pairing you wish you shipped, but just can't.

Any of my current otps but in reverse. I can't take it. Same goes with shipping characters I've already paired together forever with others, for example, pairing Levi with Eren (SnK) is a huge no for me because for me Levi and Erwin are destined forever and ever. Pairing Kakashi with another that isn't Guy makes me go 'get that out of my sight.' etcetc. IT'S STUPID I KNOW.

D: What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom?

The first things I ever posted on the internet where silly mcr and 30stm drawings on deviantart...I was a huge nobody (now I'm just a nobody), then I got into my Naruto fixation, then bands again (Green Day drawings), and then pokemon doodles plus PerryDoof adsjkas. These don't count as contribution to shit but where the first stuff I put out there, still archived on my dA luckily.

I definitely don't think of me as a contributor of anything, but I really like to think that I provided Stancest food when the theory of Stan (gravity falls) having a twin was still just that, a fan theory. I was drawing tons of 'what ifs' with shippy motives all over tumble on 2014-2015 and it wasn't yet a huge deal.

E: Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what?

The only thing I can think of rn is Dante being Nero's mom. (I suppose the crack I deliver is the mpreg to anything I touch, I still remember I drew sasunaru babies in 8th grade).

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? What fandom was it?

I think the strongest fndm I've been constant with is the rickmorty one. Since 2015 each time there's a new season I draw a ton and do a full series rewatch. I've seen my art grown since then. You could make a timeline of my progress with only rckmrt art hahaha.

G: What was your first fandom?

Online? Naruto. Even tho I wasn't part of communities of anything, I've always enjoyed things mostly alone and have found dear friends along the way that share the same feelings as me regarding some series, but to be part of a group? nope....I used to be open to talk with anyone commenting my artwork (mostly my dA and tungle years....before 2016.) but now the further I am from the fndm eye, the better.

H: Do you prefer real-life TV shows or animated TV shows?

I prefer videogames....I have come to that realization. But yeah, animated shows are more my thing than real-life, even tho I enjoy some of them from time to time.

I: Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Tungle has caused me to hate fandom in general. The 1st fndm I remember despising was the steven universe one, I almost didn't watch that because of the fndm. Since 2015 I have been irreparably damaged regarding fndm because people have totally forgotten that fndm should be a place to share your love and ideas toward something in common but it has turned into a morality war and an excuse to bully people and make them suffer for drawings and shit. Estoy cansado de este rancho, de su gente :'))))

J: Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr.

I didn't know about jojo until I saw a gif o Kakyoin doing the rerorerorero. That was it for me.

K: How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom(s).

I feel fear haha, I'm gonna be honest, I don't trust anybody, I feel like everyone out there is just waiting for a drawing they despise to stab my back. Has already happened like 3 big times with jojo, a girl who i didn't even followed and they wanted to cancel me bc she followed me, and hellsing being a nest of the most fucking stupid people. I don't want fndms to find me, even tho I'm still dumb enough to put my art out there...even tho slowly I've decreased my art posting.

L: Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for?

I would love to have recs of series/games/music/art they like and to know what is their most liked thing about them.

M: A person who got you into a fandom and what fandom they pulled you in to.

Spilly filled my two last braincells with Gundam. Amusha nation forever.

N: Your favorite fandom (for the people; not the thing you fangirl over).

The only people I remember fondly from years and years ago were the true detective fans who shipped Marty and Rusty. They were the most mature and kind people I've encountered.

O: Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of?

I'm not in love (10cc) is my rickmorty anthem. I listen to it as if it's Rick's POV. Rick denying his feels my beloved. (I have a thing for this kinda dynamic....denying your feelings and turning it into 'violence'....idk OTL)

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

31 minutos pero en lugar de noticiero fuera como los autos locos.

But if we talking AUs in general my fave types are Gijinka, Animal Crossing, Mpreg Aus, and anything ABO. I'm a simple girl.

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why.

Wolfwood/Vash. The new people into the ship have used it as an excuse to tell everyone else they are 'disgusting' and that sort of (even worse) insults when they pair Vash and Knives. Now the pairing makes me bitter. Like it's been contaminated.

R: A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships.

I know I'm the only one into this ship bc there's 0 ship art of it and it's Kafei x Curiosity shop man from Majora's Mask.... I suppose the japanese fandom might have apported to it in a long lost past, but still...my rarest ship I guess OTL.

Another rare ship is Cyrus and Frog from Chrono Trigger....the yaoi is right there for everyone to see, but I also feel like I'm the only one in the world shipping it....Like the ship above, I feel that maybe there was stuff about them but got lost in time or only took part on japanese spaces....

S: What's a headcanon you have?

Dante is Nero's mom.

T: What are your favorite male/male ships or female/female ships?

Gonna mention the one's I've been more into along the years ;u;

Guy/Kakashi.(naruto)

Nace, crece, se hacen rivales, sufren, forman un lazo inquebrantable, sobreviven y viven como pareja vieja de casados y muere. El ciclo de la vida completo.

Erwin/Levi. (snk)

The only thing I care about in shingeki. Tragedy and a strong bond that makes one of them stronger and gives them a will to live. What can I say???

Rick/Morty (RnM)

I just love the whole 'you were bred for it' thing going on. Inseparable toxic bitches. More denial of feelings. I love pain.

Bodoque/Tulio (31 minutos)

Bodoque en negación, Tulio sin una sola pista y siendo una tentación. One-sided y en negación *chef kiss*.

Vergil/Dante (Devil May Cry)

Twins are my biggest weakness. One soul divided in two bodies, the separation, the pinning, the sadness, the PAIN. Dante crying for Vergil and that being the 'this is why it's called Devil May Cry' fried my brain. I love deeply sad characters, longing ukes (Levi is into this category).

Blackjack/Kiriko (bj)

Life and Death fighting each other. Medical drama my beloved.

--------

Zelda/Midna (Twilight Princess)

I adore this ship. I love their interactions and how Midna is all over Zelda when she gets possesed. The depiction of this Zelda is also my fave, she looks so perfect and ofc, she tops. Light and Dark~

Pipimi/Popuko (Pop Team Epic)

Trash girls doing shit my beloveds. They are affectionate, they are violent, they are shitty, they are double trouble. Girlbosses, como dicen los chavos.

Bayonetta/Jeanne (Bayonetta)

I will ignore the het bullshit of bayo3. For me the best Bayos in the multiverse or whatever are the lesbians.

BayoJeanne forever.

Susie/Noelle (Deltarune)

I love Noelle being crazy about the Bad Girl(tm) and said bad girl not being THAT bad and notices and starts feeling it mr krabs. 11/10.

U: What are your favorite male/female ships?

Gomez/Morticia (Addams Family)

THE married couple with kids I adore. The ideal het ship.

Integra/Alucard (Hellsing)

Girlboss and tamed beast. Yummy.

Helga/Arnold (Hey! Arnold)

I visualized myself as Helga as a small child. She was though and didn't show her true feelings in front of others, she observed her 'beloved' from afar and ofc, she was violent towards him. (This is maybe why I like this dynamic so much??) I always remember the episode where Helga is dreaming about them growing old and she was president and him was 'the first man' hahaha, I just love dominant women....

Lola Bunny/ Bugs Bunny

Lola would dom Bugs ass and also the power they have on my brain. Lola and Bugs in draw are FIRE. The possibilities.

Noi/Shin (Dorohedoro)

Another perfect couple. Buff girl, buff boi, they care profoundly about each other and they have respect for each other.

V: Do you have any 3-way ships? If so, what?

mmmmm I don't think of any right now. I'm more of a 'monogamous' shipper x)

W: 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms.

Totakeke (Animal Crossing), Ocelot (Metal Gear), Terry Hintz (Lisa the Painful), Leon Kennedy (RE4), Kenny McCormick (South Park)

X: 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms.

Harry/Kim (Disco Elysium)

Knives/Vash (Trigun)

Hitoshura/Lucifer (SMT3)

Y: A fandom you’re in but have no ships from.

There must be one but I can't think of any rn. I always go into things thinking of shipping

Z: What's a ship that you want to ship publicly, but everyone on tumblr hates it so you keep your mouth shut about it?

Almost anything considered problematic. I try to draw and post puublicly always, but there's always people out there wanting to make everything into a fight....and ruining your life.

God if u got here. Thank you for reading :03

Das Kleine Ton

😳

(El Sonidito refs)

Yo pienso que para la comisión no necesariamente tiene que der el bück dich, quisiera verlos a ambos de cuerpo completo interactuando, quizá algo como Till jalando el collar de Flake por ejemplo y Flake con su cara de uke malo y Till con su carita de perrito tierno pero pícaro.

Te pongo las refs de bück dich porque agi se ve mejor los detalles del traje de Flake, hay variaciones en ciertos momentos pero en general, mientras se le vean las piernotas a Flake en el putishort y las tetotas a Till, I'm happy 🤤

Con el peinadobde Flake, que sea el peinadito donde lo tiene para atrás todo 😳 y el de Till puede ser cualquiera, asi medio en la cara o con su semi colita 🙈. 

 

amo como se ve acá... menacing uke 😏

tierno pero pícaro jeje 😍

creo que este es mi peinado
favorito en ese concierto.... dios me mata,
 me da directo en mis puntos débiles. 

su carita y sus ojazos preciosos...
el detalle de las pestañitas...
Till lindo 💗💗💗💗

the most hd. créditos a todos los fans en
 tungle que uff que amor les tienen para sacar tantos buenos gifs y fotos

Engel Au

The AU in few words:

My idea with Engel is that both Till and Flake are angels that were caged and trapped as kids, but Till gets dragged away and only Flake is left there. Years later, Till comes back to rescue him.

Conception of the AU:

• The Engel video.

I relate the whole dancing and eroi stuff to Flake since in the video when the girl starts dancing with the snake, later she is on the floor and turns into Flake. (I’ve seen the video many times and still don’t know why they would do that jajajaja but BLESS because it gave me the right brain worms to think about this whole AU.)

In the video, there are two kids singing part of the chorus, they are in a cage and wearing white. Since the song name is literally 'Angel' I like to think of them as caged little angels.

Flake, in the vid, is seen drinking from the foot of a dancer, who later is on the floor and turns into Flake (??). That part with the transformation is something that I still can't grasp as to why whould they do that. Maybe there's some detail I've missed there....anyways. When Flake wakes up, he is wearing a golden outfit and his eyes are made up with black eye shadow. This gave me the realization of 'what if...' Flake was one of the caged kids?? Since they look similar (blonde plus the eyeshadow).

• One Dich concert picture.

There is a certain picture that called my attention because it was similar to the pose the kids have on the Engel video. That was the *click* I needed so I didn't look SO dilusional with my idea. 

Since both kids are blonde in the video, I didn't know how to 'make him' into little Till. But then that one picture with just the pose made it all fit together. In it Till is resting in the same exact pose as the kid in the vid. His head on Flake's shoulder.

AU Details.

Flake's look:

Long blonde hair <3. Since he is an angel, he has wings, but they are 'small' and a bit ruined because they chopped them a lot when he was growing up. When in captivity as a kid, he wears a white tunic and his wings aren't very damaged yet. His wings start deteriorating after Till is taken away.

Flake has a mole in the right side of his chin. It doesn't show always, but in the video you can notice it. So this version of him has it as well :3 His clothing growing up is him naked at first, but then he would wear an office outfit like the one he wears in the video (black pants, white dressing shirt, black tie, black jacket, barefoot :P)

Till's look:

Short black hair. Even if the ref in the video the kid is blonde, I like dark haired Tillie <3. He wears a white tunic as a kid as well. His wings are huge when he grows up, they were smaller than Flake's as a kid. When he grows up, he has the same look as in the video: slicked black hair with a few strands falling on his face. As for his clothing, he wears his fire vest, white leather pants with belts and combat boots. He has his famous (Du riechst so gut) goggles perched on the top of his head. Later he would wear the same office suit as flake but he would wear formal black shoes.

 

Some 'lore'.

I'm inspired by the lyric of the song. I have to go to translations even if the full meaning is better in their original languaje...

[Verse 1: Till Lindemann]
Who in their lifetime is good on Earth
Will become an angel after death
You look to the sky and ask
Why can't you see them

[Chorus: Christiane "Bobo" Hebold & Till Lindemann]
Only once the clouds have gone to sleep
Can you see us in the sky
We are afraid and alone
Because God knows I don't want to be an angel

[Verse 2: Till Lindemann]
They live behind the sunshine
Separated from us, infinitely far
They must cling to the stars (Very tightly)
So they don't fall from the sky

[Chorus: Christiane "Bobo" Hebold & Till Lindemann]
Only once the clouds have gone to sleep
Can you see us in the sky
We are afraid and alone
Because God knows I don't want to be an angel
God knows I don't want to be an angel
God knows I don't want to be an angel

Lyrics taken from this page. 

 

I like the chorus and the mention of "God knows I don't want to be an angel". With that said, the whole AU would start with the little angels who don't wanna be up there. They meet and realize they have a common ground and plan to fall together, they succeed, but then they are captured. They don't have any other power than their evident wings. 

They are kept together for a while, until one day, Till is sold and Flake is kept (because they see him as 'the prettier one').  Flake is used as some kind of attraction and he does all kinds of ero dances and routines. His ‘wings’ get chopped so he doesn’t try anything funny, his hair is kept long. He also is kept naked or almost naked in his cage. Till on the other side, grows up in a mafia house and ends up being the boss, and looks Flake up. He finds him and rescues him by burning the place and people that kept him captive.

After that, they go roaming the earth with the look they have at the start of the Engel vid.

Yeah pretty cliché.... ;q;

(Gallery)

Nook x Redd DELUSION

 

I don’t truly know how to start with this entry besides GOD, why do people who ship these two see Nook as a Bottom™ and Redd as a Top™?

I know, haha this is just how everyone has their preferences, I can’t judge. I have to talk for myself when I say that this pairing does things for me when Nook is the one dominating, I can’t take it when it’s the other way around.

I guess my taste will always be ‘conman onahole’ instead of ‘conman bishonen killer’ (hehe, the reference there). Well I will proceed to write the many things I envision with this specific dynamic between Racoon and Fox.

As I wrote above, this is mostly my personal vision and is okay if you like this ship with a bottom Nook and top Redd.

Ok, here we go:

What I like about this ship is how extremely tense it is. You can make them lovers to enemies to not so enemies, not so lovers, the whole ex trope and shenanigans BUT ALSO you can make them be forever tense and in denial of how they feel for each other (or better said, they were never lovers or anything even tho the attraction and everything was there, they ended freeing that tension in the form of ‘hate’ and now YEARS have passed and the same sexy tension is there but it never concretes on anything).

That was really specific. Yes. 

I love to think about that side. If you have read in the past this crappy blog, you know by now that I have a thing for my ships never being an actual pairing…(as I said before, once my ship is established, it feels as if it has already finished. Like when you are reading a sweet tale and ‘they lived happily ever after’ and THE END.

This is why I love slowburn, you get to explore everything between the characters before they concrete anything. It’s hella tastier for me for some reason. Kinda makes me think about how telenovelas are practically a huge slowburn, since the protagonist pairing has to go through all the drama hell before being together and happily ever after blablabla.

I think that Nook and Redd never confessing their feelings/attraction would be excellent, but spice it up with hate and sex.

Why don’t we think about Redd being the huge scammer he is but also that he would whore himself for survival/extra cash/favors.

Okay, Nook and Redd were never an established pairing, but Nook would take notice about Redd’s extra cash activities. 

I love to think about Nook being polite and very calm and serious outside, but he would also have this ‘dark’ side to him. The nasty competitor, with the respective greed, anger, and the facade of the perfect and morally correct business man. Nook is a ‘goodie’ but he hides his unpleasant traits under a mask of morality and hard work. 

Then we have Redd, who is sly and a scammer. He would ‘hide’ under a charming and convincing personality to attract unwary customers right where he wants them.

He won’t hide under a morality driven facade like Nook, also he wouldn’t do what we call ‘hard work’.

Another thing about this is that they have actual history together. The fact that they were actual business partners opens a window of possibilities to explore.

So if we want to spice this all up, we have two salesmen, WHO HAVE BEEN PARTNERS, that then go their separate ways for some reason (Redd being all about scamming and dirty money) while Nook was hungry for money but couldn’t bring himself to ‘cheat’ and risk it all and go to trash because of that. 

Nook loves but hates Redd’s guts, the fact that he just can’t bring himself to scam others or that he doesn’t have his charm to make his path easier. Then we can throw the ‘attraction’ ingredient to the pot as well. The attraction that blooms out of jealousy. Nook would viscerally hate Redd so much that that would transform into sexual tension. All he hates he actually desires.

Redd would naturally notice the effect he has on his ‘ex partner’. He would be hurt because he actually cared for Nook and their partnership, but there lies his ‘revenge’. ‘If he hates me so much, I will make sure he hates me GOOD.’ He would be always lurking near Nook.

Nook would notice but would try to ignore as much as possible. Or on specific occasions, he would face his ‘nemesis’ and end up in a heated argument. 

Their breaking point when they were partners would be Nook noticing Redd selling himself. 

Imagine, they start in a very small and humble store. They don’t start ‘successfully’ at the beginning, they have rent to pay, and what does Redd do? Extra job, a blowjob or two a day after they close or in their small turn for lunch. A bit of extra cash depending on which service the client would be interested in. 

Nook notices by accident one day after they close the store. He sees Redd blowing some guy in an alley behind the store. 

Nook doesn’t know why his blood is boiling, he wants to punch the fuck out of Redd and the guy but he just stares in shock and anger at them. Redd doesn’t notice, but the dude kinda feels they are being watched, so he starts fucking Redd’s throat harder.

Nook turns away as fast as he can and gets to his shitty apartment, what he hadn’t noticed until then was his huge boner.

The days go by and Nook is still angry at the whole situation, he can’t bring himself to face Redd and tell him how disgraceful his ‘side job’ is. 

He starts displaying a passive aggressive attitude towards Redd, while Redd is like “????”.

Nook keeps having thoughts about Redd, especially Redd under him in compromising situations. He is losing his mind because of the urge.

Why get mad at Redd if they were nothing? They were mere partners, nothing more.

Until one day all finally goes to shit.

Redd is being fucked raw in the same alley and Nook can’t take it, he punches Redd’s client and he goes away insulting them without paying.

Redd is angry at Nook, they scream at each other. Nook spitting all kinds of insults to Redd, about how a cheap whore he is, and how easy he would open his legs for anyone, that all he cared for was easy cash, how much of a bad image he was giving THEM, etc.

Redd feels hurt, even tho it was pretty much the truth. He wasn’t ashamed of what he was doing. Everyone fucks, so why not take advantage on the money side?.

Nook gives Redd a month to find another place and get the fuck out of HIS business, he wouldn’t tolerate their place becoming a whore house. 

In this discussion Nook was fully ‘don’t look at my boner while we fight’.

Redd didn’t understand at first why Nook would be so angry at him for something so tame as fucking (selling fake shit was worse, since it involved 3rd parties getting him the merch and also getting shady contacts and even shadier cash.). Sucking a dick or two or a quick fuck was nothing compared (legally talking). 

In that month, Nook split their profits so Redd could go away. 

The tension was worse than ever in that hellish month.

It would be months later that Redd would come to the conclusion that this wasn’t about ‘looks’ or morals or whatever shit Nook loved to take part in.

There was always a certain kind of tension between both of them, a tension they never talked about even if they could almost physically grasp it.

Redd now knew it wasn’t just him and his naturally teasing personality, Nook was feeling stuff too and he was jealeous. That was the only logical conclusion to that stupid confrontation.

A year passed, Redd got himself a tent and wandered, he would sell shady artworks and objects, but the money was never enough. Also he would try to scam some questionable individuals and get in trouble….

Nook kept the little shop and pulled all nighters and started to expand his business, hiring people and lending cash. All legal of course. Might look shady but none of that, everything was absolutely in order.

One day, Redd went to Nook’s. He needed the cash. He had nothing more to offer than himself. Nook was on edge. He denied Redd’s proposal many times until Redd broke, begging him on his knees, crying. 

Nook gave him the cash, telling him he didn’t need to do anything, but Redd inisted.

Right there on the shop’s floor, on his knees he just took Nook and Nook just froze. 

He had never come as hard as that moment.

Redd went away and that sealed their little ‘game’ of sorts through the years.

Nook was successful, he was showering in cash, he was in the real estate business after all while maintaining his shop plus franchises.

Redd was still a wandering seller/conman. He got used to that life. He would come and go to Nook for his ‘cash loans’ from time to time.

Nook always showed him his ‘I despise you so much’ attitude. Redd always played the charming slut part.

 

The first years their deal only consisted of blowjobs. The first time Redd suggested they actually fucked (the amount of cash was worth a fuck and more), Nook just stared at him, whipped his hand on his face and told him “On one condition”.

Nook took Redd’s old work outfit, made him wear it as he used to those years ago, and then proceeded to do what he had always been longing for even though he still refused to acknowledge it.

Nook would always fuck him in that attire if it was possible, Whenever they were finished, Redd would get it off, dress up and go away leaking cum out of his ass, with a ‘See you next time Nookie!’

Nook would hold the old uniform and smell Redd’s escence before washing it for another ‘loan’.

Their dynamic would always be that. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Nook would move from one place to another, and Redd would follow near.

In the years between, Nook meets Isabelle and they start working together. Nook found the twins and raised them as well.

He kept Redd away from them, he didn't want them to know he had business with such a questionable being.

Isabelle soon found out about Nook and Redd. She tried to hide the fact that she knew but then it slipped out of her when she was having a discussion with Nook about something business related.

Nook was shut in an instant and asked her to not disclose that information to anyone else.

Years passed and Nook got into the island business and started a new more relaxing life there. Redd followed.

Nook would always be incredibly angry at Redd’s constant presence in his life. But then he would fuck him for money and after that both were civilized again. Post nut clarity made them go all professional. 

At least in this last phase of their lives, they struck a deal. Redd would be able to be on the place selling his art to fill the museum in exchange of the usual plus a bit more….he would have to spend more time with Nook on certain occasions and pose as a reliable citizen...he would fuck Redd’s brains out after.

Being on the island and also being older helps Nook to be a bit softer on Redd. He won’t be so self aware of who sees them together and who doesn’t. 

............................... 

And that’s it. That’s my headcanon story of them and how I envision their relationship. 

I want them to not be actually together and acknowledge their feelings, I want them to suffer so their tension never ends. I don’t want lovey dovey, I want them to be angry and passionate in their hate. Nook always had a certain regret at getting so mad at Redd. Redd ending up like some type of object to be bought. Waiting to be actually appreciated but not getting it because of Nook’s stubbornness, thinking that money and fucks are the only way they can actually be a thing and can stand each other….

Sorry in advance but I am no writer and also English isn’t my 1st language, so, there will be many repeated words and stuff, excuse the lack of vocabulary.

Kinda wanted to get it out in words and then try to put them in drawings so I can explain myself better.

These are the last gijinka redesign I did of them last year and the ones I'm drawing this year. 

TillFlake feels and how it's somewhat helping me survive rn...

I've been into a lot of rpf since my early teens, it’s no surprise I would be back to feeling things over a newfound ‘obsession’ in that area.

The new ‘otp’ is TillFlake.

Funny how in my teens I wasn’t into R+ ….I guess it’s because the people around me weren’t into it so I didn’t notice their music and also my lack of curiosity (and also my other ‘obsessions’ at the time..when I get into something I go deep and consume only that….even tho I can’t put myself in the shoes of other people who spend so many years constantly in a single ‘fndm’.)

I never considered myself part of fndm or anything, I never felt that I was part of something either. Some people find a ‘second home’ in fndm….or talk like the fndm was everything and idk. Well, I have always thought that I go from thing to thing, hyperfocusing on it for months and then going to the next one...then years later I go back, like visiting an old friend. It’s comforting. 

So, to be back on topic, I never got into R+ on my teens....other thing is that I’m the kind of person that might be afraid of change or getting out of comfort zones...that same goes for music, movies, series, etc. I had my few but well loved music playlist, most of them being some anime songs, tons of videogame osts, and a lot of music that we used to listen at ‘school’ or the music that was most heard at that time that was considered ‘in’. I can’t say I hate music genres, even tho I crave more of some than others, I love all kinds of music. 

So back at that time I was unlucky to not know a single person into the group and then I failed to be curious. Back then when youtub was funny, I watched one of those viral vids. It was ‘El sonidito’. The song was edited to be synchronized to some clips of r+ live aus berlin. It was a forever fave of mine, as fave as the soad songs over el chavo del 8 clips. Those made me laugh and brought so much joy to me as a teen...I was enchanted. But I wasn’t curious. SO, I knew there was that group but never dug into it. I was always fascinated by the extravagant show of fire and also the funny skinny guy dancing on the keyboard.

11 years later, here I am, getting into their music and loving it and getting attached even more to that El Sonidito vid. “Das Kleine Ton”....I find it a total master piece. At least it’s gonna stay with me until I’m no more on this earth, I’m sure of that.

On 2018 a dear friend was making a cool project consisting on having artist illustrate their fave songs, and I remember lovely jaka (if u reading this, holi jaka ;u;/ GRACIAS POR INSPIRARME) singing du hast with another friend...and I was like ‘I- I wanna know and be part…’ and then I was kinda shy to get into the music at the moment...but I had the small worm already crawling on my brain, thinking into getting into it. Months later, or maybe in 2019, I tried to listen to them at work, bad idea, because even tho I started with their first album and IT WASN’T WHAT I WAS EXPECTING (And I gotta say, THE KEYBOARD is everything for me. It hooked me immediately.) I was not expecting Du Riescht so Gut to be that ‘electronic’ and ooffff feeling. I wasn’t expecting it. BUT, it wasn’t the right moment, because I started listening on a moment in wich anything could make me sleep at work (I could be listening to screeching noises making my ears bleed and I would fall asleep…) So I didn’t quite enjoy it properly.

I let it stay, I was aware of not being ‘ready’. 2020 came. 

Pandemic, hell, death, the fear, the high level of depression over everything...the uncertainty of having a work to return to...many shit happening….A year that still feels like it didn’t happen...I have memories scrambled with 2019 still...like remembering a drawing was on october from 20 but it was from october 19...to say something. I got a shit callout thanks to some nasty people pointing fingers at me over other popu artist...and said popu artist just said “mmm don’t know her, I follow to many people, I don’t know what she draws! oh wow! (and them liking all my ‘’nasty’’ art...yeah, and even making fanart of my characters…”i don’t know” my ASS.)  I didn't come back to listen to them until later…

So what made me FINALLY go see what the group was about was the bück dich performance. I have to thank spilly on that regard (if u reading this, hi spilly! without you I couldn't have ever find out about bück dich ;w;/ I'm forever in debt with you for that THANK YOU 🥺). It had been some (long) time since I had been SO into musical shipping.

Another thingie that made me nit think twice about shipping bands again was that I got to draw a lovely commission for maggie ;;... A KISS YAOI COMMISSION. I was like OMG YEAH YEAH YEAH!! I'm not alone in band shipping… (I know there is a lot of ppl into rpf of music and stuff… BUT having an artist you admire and appreciate be into that makes u feel bold and to not fear of expressing what u like… so.. if u read this maggie and shane… hi and THANK YOU SO MUCH ;w; /💖) 

 I used to call the real ppl yaois slash (at least I thought that was the difference, I saw tags meaning slash on most of rpf and yaoi for animes or cartoons… so yeah, I was very into band slash long ago but since I lost track of groups and didn't bother to look into older groups… I know I missed A LOT…. 

SO bück dich made my mouth drop to the floor and I just knew it had become a new obsession. The seed was planted and germinated when I dug more….and more…. Now here I am, consuming 20+ years of music + performances + info of the group…. and it made me wonder… first i was YES YAOIS, now I'm ;; why did I miss out on all this??? 20 years have come and passed…. well, the group is a year younger than me… 27 years have already passed so fast… 

I see the live aus berlin show and think, dude, the 90's were just yesterday, the fuck??????? 

and then I'm hyper aware that I was busy growing up and forming a brain while these dudes were doing their stuff….and a lot of people my age knew them in their teens, while I was 'wasting' my time-life…. haha, well, better late than never I guess?... 

Now, back to my TillFlake feels…. 

I feel more towards that pair because it was love at first sight for me (I had the image of flake in das kleine ton, the funny keyboard man, and then I had till with the fire wheel(?) looking super neat…. and then to see the two in a domsub set… and the contrast in their physique… I can't help it, everything in me screams to ship…and then after watching more pictures, videos, interviews… moments.. i feel soft.. idk, as I wrote on my latest entry, I sure feel the butterflies in my chest…plus the fact that the whole group is still together (and for sure i imagine that not being easy… but it's lucky that they are still the same six… damn) well, we all like to imagine good things than ugly things… haha but the few little bits I have read of them and their journeys or interviews make me imagine a lot of things… i sure hope they are good friends and love (love is a strong word… i don't dare use it on my mother tonge bc it just feels wrong for me to say such an 'important' thing…) each other… no in a romantic cliche way but in a "we have lived so much shit together...i can't help but appreciate your company and all we've been tru…

idk… 

The impact of getting into the group made me go dig for more info at tungle dot com...yeah, it's hitting me hard.. haha…I don't feel special or anything for liking them, but I sure feel that I came too late to the party….many regretful thoughts.. I'm feeling a lot just from getting to know something 'new'... haha… 

Tungle has a lot of data and stuff and it's helping me discover more about them, and also providing some hella neat pics for ref to draw and get inspo… kinda miss tungle sometimes…

and being there made me find some sweet moments between the two… I just hope the translations aren't just a dream… but I recently read one on flake on when they formed the group, him saying how everyone was a mess between each other, how he didn't want to be part and how the o ly one he immediately liked was Till…. idk made me feel ;; and made me think, bru, is that why he let the whole domsub performance happen? I have watched one of the "oldest" (?) vids and I feel like it's my fave, where Till just goes and full kisses flake in the mouth and licks his neck and it's so very raw in emotion… like it wasn't actually practised… it feels spontaneous, natural… IDK. makes my heart do the thing… the tingly thing… and then I've seen gifs of them doing their most recent performance (2019?) and Till helping Flake out of the boat…looking all old and soft both of them in full costume, but jusy being very gentle. My heart feels very small… like a big hand is squeezing it…Idk, you see their rawness as young and their gentleness at old age… makes me wanna cry… I just find the humanity of it all so very endearing…I'm not a very romantic uwu loveydovey person… I just find human interaction something that is worth appreciating… not even the idea of them fuking like animals or being a couple but the idea of simple interactions, or just being around each other makes me tender… this is why I hope they all are friends…ofc not all is love and peace, but you get the idea… 

I'm pulling all of these feels out of my ass rn bc I'm anxious before my tutoria, a hell that work has brought to me since march of this year… it leaves me lifeless and without wanting to do ANYTHING, not even talking.. not even eating… not even nothing… It' s 5:20pm rn, at 6 I have to go give a "class" to a bunch of university teachers…I feel extreme anxiety with phone calls and now I have to sit an hour every week with a camera on talking about stuff i don't even know about. so yeah… I had to even close my commissions and creative projects bc of that…I haven't been drawing enough even for myself… I have been drained of any creative impulse… maybe nobody notices this but I have been drawing less these pasts months (Yeah, I have posted a lot of art but if u know me u know that I could draw the triple…) I don't even want to play vidyagames some weeks...when i don't wanna draw, i usually play games to distract myself, but now.. not even games are enough to bring desire out of me…i feel so drained…. but then i got into rammstein and here i am…writing whatever comes out of my brain before my hour of high anxiety… 

THE POINT IS, getting into all this is helping me because I'm feeling a LOT again after these months of constant draining... the last obsession that almost got me hard was megaten, but as I said, the anxiety and ugly feels got stronger and I have left the game unfinished...

Rpf is doing something good for me rn... bc as I said in my last post, even tho cartoons are cool and inmortal, seeing people makes u feel a certain way... wanting to connect with actual people, we are humans after all and need a bit of REALITY even tho we end up making it fiction or to fit to ourselves in a way....

I will leave this rambling here bc it's almost time, and I hope the things I didn't wrote here are understood... well the essense of what i wanted to say reaches u...

I know my problems and feels are nothing compared to a lot of other.. but I hope you don't feel like "wow just shut the up" while reading this… 

Again, if u made it tru that all, thank you for reading my brain farts…

RPF and a bit more.

 RPF and a bit more.

The bad or rather sad thing of RPF shipping is that you can only wonder. You start thinking about the possibilities of ppl being “in love” or “in a relationship”. I think that most of us that know to differentiate between reality and fiction know how the things we want real are not and respect the lives of the people we ship.

RPF is it’s own realm, you know it’s not gonna happen but the thought makes you feel the butterflies. Also when you have a lot of material (pictures, videos, interviews, whatever) of them interacting in “shippy” ways, it hits you even harder. The concept of two people being together, of them enjoying the company of each other, or the characters they play being completely out of control.  

RPF is a double edged blade, because you can’t help thinking or wishing how you feel to be REAL. That’s the fun part of shipping cartoons, anime or creating your own characters, they don’t exist, so you can make it real for you. The realm of drawings is paradise, you can do and undo the characters however you please and not feel bad “oh but they are married...oh but they actually have a family..oh but they are not that kind of person”...with cartoons you decide what you want. Canon heterosexuality? canon marriage with kids???, let’s ignore and make our own mpregs, This character didn’t do x or y? let me fix that. You can take the material produced “for the masses” and make your fanart to appeal for your taste. Of course, we, the elders in the “”fandoms”” know etiquette. We know not to go bother the original creators to make our ships canon, we know a huge company is nothing even tho we see their attempts at giving fans crumbles of what we desire just for marketing (didni being the biggest hypocrite piece of shit) or even have a work that made a huge impact on us only to find out the creator is ACTUAL shit (harry pot, sam x.) and we have to accept maturely and take notice of this to not support them. I believe that even tho cartoon shipping is good bc there’s no limits to cartoons, we have to be critical of the real people behind it all.

The kids nowadays have been indoctrinated into actually taking ANYTHING they don’t like (the “don’t like” disguised as morality) and screaming and pointing fingers, while ignoring their own faults.

You can see a kiddo leading a harassment campaign towards an adult artist that doesn’t know them and that has clearly put warnings on their art so that people keep away, while the same kid is screaming about breeding x or y character, be it a cartoon or even A REAL SERIAL KILLER. “I don’t support the fictional abuse to this fictional cartoon character, so I will ruin your REAL life.” That’s the “logic” these kids have. Or being into rpf and being utterly disrespectful towards the people they ship as if they were barbie dolls. Some of these real people KNOW that their fans ship them, they even can use that for popularity points or just to make their fans happy, but ofc not all are like that and a lot of people fail to grasp that.

In resume, the kiddos and a lot of young adults have lost the common sense of not mixing reality with fiction. And tons of these people become “popular” and start spreading their “ideologies”....

I find it depressing how things have become, I started into the internetz when tons of shit were just out there for anyone to find, tons of us grew up like that, we know also that fndm wasn’t a peaceful realm (ugly ship wars, people stealing arts, plagiarism, etc) but we knew not to share our private info, not to share explicit details of our real lives. Nowadays kiddos and weird adults trying to fit into the kiddos “agendas” have a carrd with every single detail of their lives in the open for anyone out there. 

It’s understandable that we all want to be recognized in some way, especially in these times of being bombarded with so much info each second. But not everyone wishes to have their lives inspected by the morality cops of the internetz. Tons of us just want to be left alone, drawing or writing our fanart and fanfics or creating our stories to ignore how shit our lives are. 

Wish we went back to fangirling and making yaoiz of anything with no remorse or fear like the ole days. 

I could point out so much shit I remember consuming as a teen new to the internet and feel even sadder of what we’ve become.

I’ve been recently finding joy in shipping music groups, like when I was 14. Even when I was that age I knew that everything must be an act but it sure feels good to see and IMAGINE. We all end up going back to our essence haha, u ship band members, you ship yaois, you go “NOT ANYMORE” and years later, you go back, brain go brrrrrrr. The only good thing (even tho it’s painful with the rp), is that now I can make proper fanart of my recent obsessions, even tho it makes me utterly sad because the older i get, the more i think and the more i feel how life goes by so fast….that one is another sad thing of rpf….the passing of time, cruel and VERY real. You get to see the people live and pass….the cartoons can be revived the amount of times necessary.

(A 2019 draw and my 2008 draws...)

(Don't we all start shipping stuff as teens? bruh I was into the mcr 30stm babasonicos beatles and green day...i remember many fics and fanart very dearly... a lot of them inspired me to draw and also to be better in my art ;u;... look at the antiques... 2008,2009,2010,2011 draws) 

(I'm happy of how far I have come... but sad that I now am in constant distrust of anyone.. I was very outgoing online before...also real life comes to hit u hard...)

(And my recent obsession... let's see if I'm still alive from here on 10 years... or if there's a world to live in still....)

(I draw the funky shapes....)

Real people we enjoy (in this case artists, musicians, actors) are only in the lives of their close ones, we only get to see their ‘personas’ even tho there are others that are very public about their lives. But ofc, we get limited info on them, We get few pictures of their early life, few info of their feelings and thoughts...I mean, it’s okay, but our own humanity makes us want to know this info to connect…

Don’t put these thoughts of mine alongside the parasocial (??? is that the term??) relationship some fans create with artists of every branch, the “I feel betrayed, I thought we had something special!” kind of people (and the artists don’t even know them…) 

We can feel betrayed ofc when we get to know some shit about some artists (like real shit things, not the “ayyy this artist is drawing shotaloli, ayyy this artist ships incence” kinda bullshit, but real damaging shit they do to REAL people) but yeah, getting to the point,

is so sad that we see these people and want to know more and we only get a small peek of them….and it’s okay but we start feeling and imagining…”how would I be if I had been born just a few years before...I wish I was older so I could enjoy this at that moment in time…” ...can’t help but feel sadness, can’t help but feel things that maybe a lot might find dumb...or useless feelings…

We all have thought of “boy i wish i was born on x years” (like, “boi i wish i was a teen in the 60’s to have enjoyed the beatles”) it’s very different to go back MANY many years in the past than just want to go 5 years in the past….which is what I have been feeling lately..haha, “wish i could have walked the earth a bit earlier so I could have been old enough to enjoy this properly”....maybe it’s just me and my sad wasted life...that couldn’t discover the stuff at the right time and lost time….I’ve been feeling pretty depressed lately...death is more present than ever thanks to cockbig and it’s like every mistake and waste of time is coming to slap my face….

All I can do at the time is think that we are lucky to share and walk the earth with a few peers we enjoy at the same time.... and wonder “i was living this when them were living that”.... :’) 

Thank you for reading, I got more sad at the end of this post...but I hope somebody out there reading feels me…